Dear Wedding Guest; The wedding is indeed beautiful and saturated with symbolism. We could talk over many pots of tea about everything that happens in the wedding ceremony and what it means. But let me take a few very specific things which help explain how we understand the years that come after the last guest has left the reception.

• The wedding itself is in two parts. The Betrothal happens at the back of the church and the Crowning takes place in the center of the church. During the betrothal the rings are exchanged as not only a symbol of the love between the couple but as a constant reminder that God will be with them in their marriage. You may have noticed that there are no vows in the Orthodox wedding service. There likewise is not a “with this ring I thee wed.” What a couple will be called to do is beyond the promises we humans can make to one another. It will require God’s abiding presence and grace. So a wedding is not about blessing legal promises made between a couple that is witnessed by friends and family. It is a great mystery and a sacrament.

• The other aspect is what most people think of when they think of an Orthodox wedding – the crowns. I’ve heard it explained that the couple are crowned rulers of their new Christian family. While true in one sense, there is more to it than sounding like quaint monarchists. Those are the heavenly crowns of martyrdom. It is no accident that the Forty Holy Martyrs of Sebaste are prominently remembered in the prayers. If you don’t already know their story, I highly recommend you read about them. Forty soldiers freezing to death on a frozen lake is hardly a romantic story we would think of for a wedding but its place is absolutely appropriate as the couple is crowned.

• Those crowns say it all both in Sebaste and in the wedding. These are the heavenly crowns of martyrs. They are a foretaste of heaven. The couple is called to work out their salvation together. Some people are called to work out their salvation as monastics. We are used to thinking of a monastic calling that way. But marriage is also a special calling. It is far beyond the happily ever after fairy tale we’ve become accustomed to thinking of it as. The couple will be called to a selfless love for the other and it is prayed that their marriage will be a foretaste of the Kingdom of Heaven.

• To be called to the married state is indeed a most sacred and heavenly calling. It will require not the 50:50 that we hear so much now but 100:100. Each will be called to give 100%. You can see how that works if you each give 100% and the environment of absolute trust that is formed in that union. Think of the Holy Trinity and the union of love between Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

• The first steps they take as a couple is around a small table that holds the Gospel and they are led by the priest holding the cross – two powerful symbols of Christ’s presence. The first steps of their lives together are Christ centered as must be every day of their lives. They will also drink from a common cup once again emphasizing the unity of their journey through life.
  

• You will notice that there are specific times when weddings are not held. Lenten periods and even feasts are not the time to celebrate a wedding. June for example is often thought of as the month of weddings. And in the Orthodox world it can be provided it doesn’t fall during the Apostles Fast or on the Feast of Pentecost.

• A couple will need to prepare for their wedding with their spiritual father. It is expected they will go to confession and receive communion prior to the wedding. That is why many Orthodox weddings are held on Sunday so the couple can receive communion and be as spiritually prepared as possible to receive the most profound sacrament of marriage.

• The service of the betrothal and crowning are set. The readings are set as well as the hymns and prayers. From a wedding planning perspective it is so much easier – trust me on that one my dear. The couple may choose certain settings of the hymns if there is a particular favorite (such as a hymn to the Theotokos or the Our Father) but otherwise they do not put together a customized service. The service stands on its own and is richly beautiful. But that said, the Orthodox world is filled with local customs and traditions that surround the wedding itself.

• Just as a word of advice from this Baba to any couple planning their wedding -make sure that pros involved with the wedding know what to expect. This is especially true of photographers and videographers. Let them know where they can and absolutely where they cannot go. It should be made clear they cannot go around the altar area or break the line between the altar and the couple (and that’s true for everyone). A priest once told me of the wedding planner who came into the church and tried to rearrange and stage the church temple to his vision for his client’s wedding (wanting to move the altar, the chandeliers, icons, candle stands, and wanting to have the wedding service moved behind the royal doors as it framed the couple so nicely). And probably the worst story which I think I’ve already relayed is the priest who turned back to the altar at the crowning and found the photographer sitting on the altar for the perfect shot. That was already beyond horrid but the bride’s reaction when the priest demanded the photographer get out of there was “shaddup Father – I paid good money for him.”

The marriage, as challenging as it may be, should be a foretaste of heaven. It can just as easily become a foretaste of hell. It is the understanding that having received the crowns, having partaken in this beautiful sacrament, the life of the couple will be one of growing closer to God and growing closer to their heavenly crowns that await them in heaven. And as they work out their salvation together, they have been called to spread the light to all world and to bring forth fruit in all the gardens they are called to work in. We were invited to the wedding to not only be witnesses to a moment in history but to help them and encourage them always. Now my dear, let me pour you a fresh cup of tea and you can tell me all about this wedding you went to.

With enveloping hugs;

Baba