Dear Baba

I am the mother of two small children under the age of 5. I feel like I am in and out so many times during the liturgy that it hardly seems worth the effort to come to church in the first place. Are there any guidelines for caring for children in church? - Mother of two

Ah My Dear Mother of Two; What a blessing to be able to raise your children as Orthodox Christians. And that is the key. They are fully Orthodox Christians. And don’t ever give up and stop bringing them. You all need to be in church. Children have been raised in the Orthodox Church for millennia. We’ve never had ‘children’s church’ so there has to be some collective wisdom for you to tap into. So let’s sit down and see what we can figure out. I promise not to get too philosophical. This is supposed to be practical advice – practical as my orthopedic shoes. The fact is, little ones need to grow into the church and here you must find balance. You want the children to grow up feeling at home in church. It must be the place they want to come. Ah but the balance. It isn’t a home though, where they can toss their shoes under the coffee table, roll around on the floor and otherwise be noisy and distracting. They are in a holy place. Much of society today has lost its understanding of ‘holy’ and that is a pity. So some practical ideas.

• Take care of potty breaks and the necessary drink of water before coming into the church. And my dear sister, this is no guarantee. I know a boy who would instantly become a charter member of the Teeny Weeny Bladder Club (TWBC) the moment he donned his acolyte robe. In time, it will get better. I promise.

• Smaller children may need breaks. That is simply reality. Timing means a lot. There are certain times during the liturgy when it is more appropriate to leave with a child than other times. And just be mindful when you are coming back in.

• There are points in the liturgy so holy that we all must be still. The entrances, Holy God, Gospel reading, Cherubimic Hymn, the Creed, the Our Father and especially during the Anaphora (it starts with A Mercy of Peace and concludes with We Praise Thee) when the Holy Spirit descends and the gifts become the Body and Blood of Our Lord and Savior. These are very special moments of the liturgy and children should be standing along with all of us adults, facing forward and participating as much as they can.

• The most holy time is when the chalice is in the nave and Christ is in our midst. We are coming into the physical presence of Our Lord. It is for real and very holy.

• If you can stay through these especially holy times, please try. But if you can’t, you simply can’t. Just slip out as quietly as possible. If you come back into church during one of these parts of the liturgy, just wait at the back of the church and then move quietly back to your spot. Keep it simple and please, don’t worry yourself. You have a great mission before you to raise up these children.

• There is a certain amount of ‘holy noise’ that children will make. There is a certain amount of natural movement. Please don’t panic about it, my dear sister. But as you know, there is a difference between that and noisy and disruptive behavior. Just be mindful that sometimes what we become desensitized to at home, can be very disruptive to others worshipping.

• I know of children who learned very quickly and very well that if they misbehaved in church they could be taken out and allowed to play with toys, run, and otherwise have so much fun. Ah the balance. I know you’ll find it. I’m sure many parents in your parish could give you ideas that have worked or really didn’t work for them and then use your judgment.

• Many parishes used to have people who used to appoint themselves as church police – enforcing behavior, dress code etc. and usually they did so with the most severe and stern faces (and would you believe more than a few people have been thoroughly chased away from church because of it – that is tragic). Parents need help not a militia. So maybe we can all help you out. Maybe we can help you with your little ones so you have a chance to participate a bit more in the services while they grow. They can grow up in a community. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

So sit down, relax, have a cup of tea and know I am sending my love and big enveloping hugs,

Baba