Dear Baba

My kids are entering their teen years. How can I make sure they’ll choose Orthodoxy not only now but when they are in college and away from home? - Concerned parent

Dear one; you are not alone in your worries. I think every parent through time has been filled with worries about their children and there is no sure formula to offer to make those Orthodox roots grow deep and true. But I can offer some of the acquired wisdom of the Babas who influenced my life. First and foremost you must pray for them and with them. The world is looking to lure them away. As a wise bishop once told me, the world does not desire what is good or right for our children and not even that they should come to the dark side but it seeks to lure them away to devour them. It may seem philosophical but in reality it is practical to pray for them. Always surround them with prayer. And raise them up in the church. Being Orthodox should be as natural to them as breathing. Ah but how to do that.

• They need to approach the chalice. They should never attempt to grow up without it. Nor should you attempt to raise them without it for yourself. But it must be done with great reverence and preparation. None of you should become complacent about approaching the physical presence of Our Lord and Savior.

• To approach the chalice frequently means they also need to have regular confession. With a spiritual father at their side as they grow, not only do you and your children have a wonderful ally in their growth, but they learn so much from him. You know, it is good for you too.

• They need to be at church as many Sundays as possible. But Orthodoxy is a way of life and not a ‘just on Sunday’ faith. So please try to attend vespers and feast day services as often as you can.

• As their schedules get busier and busier, you will have to help prioritize. None of us can do everything we wish we could do or even all that is piled onto our plates. We live in such a busy world. Priorities matter. And I know you will do the best you can.

• There is a book called Making God Real in an Orthodox Christian Home. It talks about praying at home, keeping feasts and fasts at home, and celebrating name days. I talked with one young man whose favorite feast was Pascha. Apart from the services and celebrations at church, some of the strongest memories he had of Pascha when he was growing up were the preparations, the hustle and bustle in the kitchen, the smells of the baking breads and hams. Hmm. My mouth waters even thinking about it. Pascha permeated everything. It wasn’t just at church. Home and Church are inseparable partners in raising a child in the way he should walk.

• Make sure they understand their faith. Their understanding grows with them. Familiar bible stories, lives of the saints, the liturgical cycle – everything needs to be visited and revisited as they begin to grasp its deeper and deeper meanings. Which means you too must study and learn. Not only is it a good lifelong habit for you, but it provides your children with the depth of understanding they crave. I don’t know who got the idea that kids were only interested in skimming. Most I’ve met relish digging deep and understanding what it means to be an Orthodox Christian. Don’t underestimate them.

• Sunday school helps. A youth group helps. These are wonderful things for them so do what you can to support them. So is any service for the church. Our youth can serve in so many capacities and be of such help. It is good for them and good for the community. And they usually really like to do it. They frequently are of only maybe a handful of Orthodox Christians in school or in their neighborhood and they usually have to travel far to get to church. It helps at that age for them to experience a vibrant parish community that they are an active part of and really belong to. They are more than capable of rolling up their sleeves to help make it happen. It doesn’t have to be presented to them on a silver platter.

• We are all called to help raise children in the church. Please don’t feel like you have to do it alone. Whether we realize it or not, each one of us is a source of inspiration for the youth worshipping around us for good and for bad.

• It matters very much that we all take a look at ourselves – not the person next to us but ourselves. Are we genuinely growing closer to God? Are we genuinely participating and leading the life we would hope the children of our parish will lead? Do we keep the fasts? Do we feast? Do we participate in the liturgy? Are we real about our faith, our struggles, our need to repent? Are we sincere about building our Orthodox parish community or do we tear it apart with our words and actions? Our youth crave what is real and genuine. They are living in a world saturated with what is shallow and fake. They are looking to us to show them by the example of our lives that Orthodoxy is real and genuine. We don’t have to be perfect just genuine. My dear, I think praying and working together, we can help these wonderful young people grow into wise Orthodox Christian adults. Don’t you think so?

So come, sit down, have a cup of tea and let me give you a big hug.

Baba