Dear Baba

I’m a bit confused with what I’m supposed to give up for all the Lents we have. I tried giving up chocolate, and my other favorite foods but it was awkward and yet the fasting ‘rules’ don’t seem to relate to me and I don’t feel like I’m really making a sacrifice. Also how do I help my children realize it is Lent since they can’t fast?  - Frustrated Faster

My dear Frustrated Faster; If I may begin with a slight vocabulary adjustment, I think it will make some of the suggestions make more sense. In the Lenten periods we do not ‘give up’ stuff for Lent as is a common understanding in the West. That gives the sense that if we suffer enough we’ll somehow earn points or at the very least punish ourselves for our sinfulness. The roots run deep into very basic understandings of who we are and our relationship with God.

Any Lenten time is a time of preparation, a time of stillness where we work to eliminate much of the noise that saturates our lives. It is a time to not be consumed with consuming and place our attentions on the one thing needful. There is a huge difference between that and self inflicted suffering. One priest once told me to think of a Lenten period as a 3 legged stool we sit on during the Lenten journey. It is upheld by three things – prayer, fasting and almsgiving. Knock any of those legs out and the chair will topple. Fasting without prayer and almsgiving is a diet.

Each of the legs of the stool have their own essence and purpose but for now I will focus on the fasting as you have asked.

• To fast is to discipline the body. Frederica Mathewes-Green has a wonderful article called “To Hell on a Cream Puff” that addresses why disciplining the stomach is such a challenge. But if we can discipline our stomach, to say no to its demands, then just maybe we’ll be disciplined enough to resist other temptations that come our way.

• The fast may very well then be likened to training for a marathon. Keep that analogy in mind. There is but one set of fasting rules for the Orthodox people – monastics and lay people alike. It was established centuries ago. In the same way there is one established distance for a marathon – 26 miles 385 yards (anything else is not a marathon). Rare is the person who can go from couch potato to running a marathon without training. In the case of the fast, it is a lifetime of discipline and training – approached with seriousness of purpose. I am not able to run a marathon this afternoon so it is no surprise that I am not able to fast like an ascetic from the start either.

• The fast is not a magical formula for salvation. It is a discipline that has to be coupled with prayer and almsgiving. I know of one young man who became so unbearably proud of his ‘perfect’ fasting that the priest told him to go to McDonalds. He became completely consumed with how much better he was than his fellow parishioners at this fasting thing and he was going for a record. He lost sight of its purpose. That was quickly taken care of with a stop at a drive-thru window.

• You have to work with your spiritual father to establish how much you can fast. There are special circumstances for pregnant moms, nursing moms, the young and the elderly, those with medical conditions etc.. You need to stretch yourself but not break yourself. Don’t decide that on your own. Talk with your spiritual father. If you were running a marathon, you’d probably have a trainer. So it makes no sense to attempt this on your own either.

• We are the body of Christ. We are a community. We feast together and we fast together. That is a critical aspect of the fasting ‘rules.’ Look at our liturgical schedule during a Lenten period. Purposely in the wisdom of the church, we gather together more frequently during a Lenten period. We strengthen ourselves with more frequent communion. We are called to pray together and to encourage each other. And as is typical of any Orthodox gathering, to break bread together. If we are encouraging each other, we would never purposely tempt someone with foods they have ‘given up’ for Lent would we? How on earth could we handle it then. We’d become consumed trying the thread the needle to not bring a morsel of food someone has ‘given up’ lest we tempt them. We know by this common fasting rule what we can bring to share with our fellow travelers on the Lenten journey.

• It is also important to keep in mind the intent. From the beginning the fast has been Xerophagy – dry eating. Oils were avoided, foods were more simply prepared. Shellfish was allowed because it was the junk fish and not the luxury it is considered now. Fasting means both what we eat and how much. I look at my plate sagging under the weight of all the delicious Lenten foods and realize I have a long way to go.

• The intent was to eat simply with very quickly prepared meals. We have to be careful of the pitfall of Pharisaical fasting - meeting the letter of the law but missing the intent. Lobster with drawn margarine is technically Lenten. I’ve seen “Lenten Desserts” with not a single natural ingredient that look and taste decadently rich and ‘non-Lenten.’ With so many soy and artificial products out there now, it is possible to recreate non-Lenten eating and stay within the letter of the law. That is not to say these are bad or shouldn’t be used. Just be mindful of your heart’s intent. Are you trying to trick your body into thinking you aren’t fasting? That becomes the domain of fad diets, not spiritual growth. I know you’ll be mindful.

• Do not judge another. Encourage each other but do not judge. Many a spiritual father and baba have reminded us all to be just as mindful about what comes out of our mouth as what we put in it. St. Basil (a fool for Christ in 15^th Century Moscow) brought a slab of meat for Ivan the Terrible during Great Lent telling him basically he might as well eat meat considering the darkness and violence that filled his unrepentant life.

• Children are growing and should not fast with the full rigor of the fast. That doesn’t mean they won’t realize it is a Lenten period or a fasting day. They can participate in their own ‘mini marathon’. With the goal to simplify our lives and be more quiet and prayerful, there is much that can be done in our way of life. I know parents who turned off TVs, shut off video games and spent more family time together. Children while needing for example the calcium from dairy products for their growing bodies, do not necessarily need to be getting their daily dose from ice cream during a Lenten period. I have spoken with children who looked forward to Lenten times just because their lives weren’t so busy and they had much more family time and fellowship at church that they craved.

• Fasting is hard. Expect opposition to your efforts. Don’t try and do it alone and on your terms. Remember when lions attack a herd, they will single out individuals – they don’t attempt to take on the whole herd at once because they know they can’t succeed. We journey together. Lean on all of us, we’ll lean on you. We’ll seek the guidance of our spiritual father. We’ll pray together, we’ll feast together and at the appointed times we will fast together.

Now come sit down and have a cup of tea. I have just baked up some goodies and since the next Lenten period is over a month away, please help yourself.

Baba