Dear Confessing Nurse: I like the analogy very much and it raises a very good question. And I have to confess to you that I am hardly the expert in going to confession so I will give you some general ideas and ask that you please work through the particulars with your spiritual father. So here, sit down with me, let me rest my feet and we’ll talk through this.

• We are the body of Christ. When we sin, when we fall short of the mark, when we allow the clutter of our lives and our choices to pull us away from Christ, we hurt ourselves and we hurt the entire body of Christ. Have you ever slammed your pinky in the car door? Your entire body hurts doesn’t it? Each of our sins make the entire body of Christ hurt. So we confess in front of the church privately but openly.

• Your nursing analogy is very good because the church is often referred to as a spiritual hospital. Don’t hesitate to approach the great Physician of our souls and bodies. If it is awkward at first, don’t be discouraged. Think of the people in physical therapy re-learning to walk. Each awkward step moves them closer to healing. Each true confession moves us closer to Christ.

• Go frequently. Orthodox don’t tend to be minimalists but today’s over-scheduled lifestyle tends to push us to do the bare minimum in just too many areas of our lives. It is really pretty fundamental. The more often you go to confession the more you are able to grow spiritually because you can get down into the details. If you only go once in a great while, you’ll tend to forget things, you’ll gloss over things and worst of all, you’ll miss out on a much needed opportunity for spiritual growth. Talk with your spiritual father about how often he recommends the faithful in his parish go to confession.

• Prepare yourself. There are beautiful guides out there. It is so important to honestly look at yourself and where you really are and to look at Christ and see where He is calling you to be. Make the time to do it. Unfortunately, we will often make time to do things like get ourselves froo-frooed up to go someplace so our outward appearance is the way we want it but won’t make the time to prepare ourselves on the inside. Silly isn’t it?

• There is an incredible little booklet by Fr. Thomas Hopko called “If We Confess Our Sins.” I highly recommend it. It includes a very powerful way to prepare for confession using the Beatitudes.

• Don’t be shy. Don’t not confess something out of fear of embarrassment or that your spiritual father will be disappointed in you. I remember a friend of mine who had a lady come once a week to clean her house. Her busiest day of the week was the day before the housekeeper arrived. They frantically pre-cleaned their house so she wouldn’t think they lived the way they did. The only way you will clean your spiritual house is to open up, shake out the carpets and confess it all to God in the presence of your spiritual father. There is a box of tissues in every church where confessions are heard. Tears do a good job of cleansing the heart too. Don’t be embarrassed by them either.

• It is tough so don’t do it alone. There are two tendencies when we try and deal with our sins on our own terms. One is to deny our own sins by refusing to believe we could do what we actually do or that we could possibly be motivated by less than Christian purposes. The other is to tear ourselves to shreds. A spiritual father will hold us together and on course to deal with our sins as they are and to seek healing.

• Do not confess other people’s sins for them. I know that sounds silly but avoid the temptation to talk about what other people have done to justify your reaction. Confession isn’t about ‘if only’ so and so would stop doing whatever annoying thing it is they do.

• Confession is not a tally sheet. “I used the Lord’s name in vain 14 times”, “I didn’t keep the fast 6 times”, “I lied once” etc. Expect to dig deeper with your spiritual father. Think of it as peeling away the layers of an onion. It may sting our eyes with tears but we can never declutter our hearts until we are willing to expose all of ourselves to God’s healing grace.

• I have to confess to you the first time I went to confession as a child. I was absolutely in a panic and exactly what I feared would happen did. I forgot everything I was going to say. So I made it up. I wove quite a tale and was absolutely miserable. The priest was led to believe that I had stolen my brother’s toast and had hit him with it. How much better if I had just been honest. God knows our sins just like He knew exactly where Adam and Eve were in the garden and what they had done when He called out to them.

• As for your children, remember that from infancy on we are fully Orthodox. We receive all the mysteries. The only one held back until an age of reason is confession. As opposed to the West, we do not dictate when that age of reason is. Typically it is around 6 or 7 years old and it varies from child to child. As your child begins to understand right from wrong and their participation in those choices, it is time. When they feel guilt and true remorse, it is time. When I was growing up, we were rather unceremoniously sent to confession. You can see how well that worked. When my children were growing, they built a relationship with their spiritual father from early on. They knew they could go talk with him and they did. Again, forgive me for sounding so repetitive but talk with your spiritual father about when your children should start going to confession.

• There were several parents who would work with their children when they were young and taught them to do a self-examination prior to confession. No, it wasn’t that mommy wanted her kids to go have the priest reinforce what she has been badgering them about. They would decide what sins they had. They’d count on their little fingers maybe 3 or 4 things so they could remember. It worked well and within a couple of years, they felt they could prepare for confession and did so on their own.

• I know one family where the child caused a significant accident that seriously injured a cousin of his. The child was devastated. The guilt, the shame… the horrid feelings were consuming him and he had no outlet because he couldn’t forgive himself. The parents squabbled over the child going to confession which didn’t help the situation at all. The father wanted him to go talk with the priest. The mother felt he was punishing himself enough and that going to confession would just be more punishment for him. Is your heart aching for this boy too? Finally the boy went to his first confession. He approached the Physician of our souls and bodies. He found healing and forgiveness.

• You too can find healing and forgiveness. Allow it to happen. That is not meant to be philosophical but very practical. Allow it to happen.

As the pot of tea brews, let me tell you one more story that was related by a Greek priest I knew. He said we needed to think in terms of the lack of indoor plumbing in biblical times to make a powerful analogy connect. Because of the lack of indoor plumbing, people went and bathed at a bathhouse. There they were completely immersed in the cleansing waters (baptism). On the journey home, their feet picked up dust and dirt so that upon entering their home, they needed to have the accumulated dust washed from them (confession) prior to them participating in the meal. It was Christ Who washed the disciple’s feet prior to the Mystical Supper. It is Christ, our Lord and Savior, who washes away our sins out of His merciful love for mankind. What a wonderful physician to have.

Now before you pull up closer to the table and have some of this freshly brewed tea, let me give you a big hug;

Baba