Dear Baba

Please help me out with some of the basics of church dress code. I’m not sure where the lines in the sand are between what is and what is not appropriate. I’m standing at my closet on Sunday mornings completely baffled and increasingly frustrated. - Not a thing to wear.

Dear Not a Thing to Wear: This is a very difficult and yet at the same time very simple subject. You are most welcome to come sit with me as we drink some tea but I have one requirement. We can talk about this but only if you promise not to make it “church police” training. If this becomes a vehicle to begin judging others, then huge sins will be committed. So let’s keep this focused on your closet and my closet and remembering always that we are in church to worship.

• You are coming into the presence of the King of Kings. You are coming into the physical presence of Our Lord and Savior. Your soul wears the ‘wedding garment’ given to us freely by Our Lord. So how to attire your body in this most holy and sacred space. We are to be like the lilies of the field (Matt 6:28) but how to turn that into a practical guide while standing in front of your closet or your children’s closet on a Sunday morning. For that I’d better brew up another pot of tea.

• There is a balance here that I hope I can find the words to express. I think we all understand it even if the words are elusive. One extreme is getting caught up in designer labels and being consumed with making a fashion statement. The other extreme is being so careless about our appearance that we show up in the temple before our Lord dressed like we were on our way to the dump. Yes it is true that it is better we come worship as we are rather than not at all. But I have to question if every trip to church needs to be coupled with a trip to the dump. Circumstances will vary and there is understanding. But as a norm, strive to avoid the extremes.

• I remember hearing stories from my Baba about how the faithful walked several miles from their farms to church every Sunday. They walked barefoot with pant legs carefully rolled up. It must have been quite the sight. As they got to the church, they stopped at a small creek and washed their feet and only then put on their one pair of shoes. They didn’t want them to get dirty before they entered the holy space of the church.

• In days of old, it was expected that clothing would be modest. Women and men would have long sleeves, long pants and/or skirts and dresses. How to adapt that to today is a challenge although simple modesty is still a good rule of thumb. So let’s go head to toe.

  • Head coverings: Laymen do not cover their heads, women often choose to. The practice varies from parish to parish. It is not considered a way to subjugate women but a mantle of prayer and modesty. If you are curious about it, talk with the women who do and don’t cover their heads. I think you’ll find it really will be up to you if you wish to do it. Although that said, in different parishes throughout the US and the world, there may be places where it is the custom and more expected.

  • Hair and make-up: This usually comes up in conversations about dress code so we might as well discuss it while the tea is still hot. Hair and make-up should be modest – I’ll leave that to you so that neither is a distraction. Children’s hair should be not a distraction for them. This is especially true for girls. Bows and ribbons are absolutely lovely if they stay put and all of us should avoid the temptation to brush, braid or otherwise style our hair in church. Please be very mindful of lipsticks. It is extremely - and I mean extremely - difficult to get it off the glass covering the icons, the chalice and the spoon. I remember as a child seeing varying shades of pinks and reds all over the glass covering the icon at the back of the church. It could be hard to find an “unlipsticked” spot to kiss. To put it in kid terms, it was “gross”. Please don’t wear lipstick; or if you must, please blot it prior to entering the church. Please also be mindful of perfumes and colognes. Many of your fellow parishioners have allergies to them and the fragrances often do not mix well with the incense.

  • Tops and shirts: They should be modest. When I was growing up, we had to have a sleeve period, even if it was a short cap sleeve. Now so much of what is available for women especially in the warmer climates is sleeveless. We always wore a sweater, shawl or something over sleeveless tops and dresses. Now we see more of the sleeveless tops and dresses that actually work well and are modest. Strapless, backless, spaghetti straps, plunging necklines and transparent fabrics are pushing it a bit far don’t you think? And for the guys the same could be said of muscle man shirts, tattered clothing and so on. Common sense I think can prevail here.

  • Jewelry: Is not a problem as long as it isn’t over the top and distractingly flashy. Please remember too that the cross is not jewelry and shouldn’t be worn as such.

  • Skirts and pants: They should be modest also. Really tight clothes, pants and skirts with dropping waistlines or really short hemlines are simply not appropriate. We worship with our body and soul during the liturgy.

  • The movement, the bowing and bending can be much more focused on worshipping God if we aren’t worried about splitting a seam or as we said in my youth, “flashing a view all the way to China” to those standing around us. Now be mindful that you may find varying customs parish to parish on such things as women wearing long pants or Capri’s. Shorts are really not appropriate except for the preschool set.

  • Shoes should be comfortable and clean. My, that was an easy category.

• If you’ve ever read C. S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters, you’ll remember how Wormwood was able to keep his ‘patient’ away from church by getting him to focus on what other people were wearing. Resist the urge to become “church police”. I know people who were seeking the Lord who came dressed as they were ...and were run off. In Moscow, I heard of a young girl who shortly after the fall of communism gathered the courage to enter a church. Self-appointed “church police” ran her off because she was wearing jeans. She did not return. That is tragic.

• I’m so glad you asked the question. I hope you feel more comfortable as you stand before your closet on a Sunday morning. And I know too that anyone who comes to visit will be shown love and offered a warm welcome.

So now, it looks like you are ready for another cup of tea and perhaps another one of these pastries too?

With warm hugs;

Baba