• Sin. What a misunderstood word. In fact it has taken on mythical meanings in today’s society. It seems that to call something a sin, it requires that we do a horrid deed with absolute maliciousness of intent. That is not what the word means. It comes from archery and it means we miss the mark.
• What is this mark we are aiming for? To be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. Do we fall short of that? With or without malicious intent we all do. And when we do, we hurt the entire body of Christ. That is why in the wisdom of the church, confession is always done openly before the congregation.
• In the prayers of confession and before communion, we ask for forgiveness for all that we have done, said or thought whether intentional or unintentional. So we may have caused one of our brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble and fall because of something we did or because we didn’t do something and we may be completely unaware of it. Our own falling short of the mark, being off target, may cause more hurt than we realize. And it may also make us of less help than we could be to our brothers and sisters as we journey through life together.
• Pardon my bluntness my dear, but we may just be less fine than we think we are. To realize just how much we need healing, we need to be supported in love. We need to know that we can open ourselves completely to God’s healing mercy, the Great Physician of our souls and bodies. This is powerfully realized in Forgiveness Vespers for forgiveness and healing work hand in hand.
• The Vespers service is filled with beautiful and powerful prayers and hymns. The hymns are repentant in nature and talk of the beginning of the journey of Great Lent. This is also the Sunday of the Expulsion from Paradise. Adam and Eve have been expelled because of their disobedience and a chasm has opened between God and man. It took Christ taking on human nature, dying on the cross and ‘trampling down death by death’ to reunite us to God. It is not by accident that the tone becomes darkness. The daily readings are now Old Testament anticipatory readings from now until Pascha. And then the Great Prokeimenon is intoned “Turn not away Thy face from Thy child for I am afflicted.  Hear me speedily and draw near unto my soul and save it.” The vestments and cloths in the church are changed to dark purple. The melodies become Lenten. Great Lent has begun. For adults and children alike this is a very powerful thing and should not be missed.
• Then comes the Rite of Forgiveness. The priest will begin by asking forgiveness of all of us and will bow down before us. Then one at a time, we will move forward. We will bow down before the priest and ask him to forgive us. He too will bow down again to each of us. We offer forgiveness and move to his right. One by one we will bow, asking for and offering forgiveness, and position ourselves to continue this beautiful rite with each person in church.
• But you must notice what the choir will be singing. Everything has become Lenten except the hymn sung during the Rite of Forgiveness. “Let God Arise.” Yes, the triumphant Paschal hymn is sung quietly. Think of it as us being able to hear it in advance. It is our first foretaste of Pascha. Why? Because we embrace each other and offer love and forgiveness. The devil and his minions hate that. Think of Orthodox around the world in all the time zones. For this incredible day, the earth is blanketed in a constant rolling rite of forgiveness and love.
• Forgiveness is easy when the issues are minor if we are even aware of them. It is wonderful when we embrace each other in love and we can easily offer forgiveness and encouragement. Even when someone has done something to us, we are able to easily forgive because they want to make amends.  But what about dealing with someone who is unrepentant or where the wounds are deep and gaping?  This gets much more difficult and I urge you to talk with you spiritual father. He will help guide you so the wounds do not fester and consume you.
• The words exchanged are “Forgive me” and either “I forgive” or commonly “God forgives.” It is easy to think the latter implies that you have so offended the person that it is beyond their ability to forgive and boy are you lucky that God will. That is not it at all. In this response we acknowledge that forgiveness and healing are not self-driven things but rather Christ in us and working through us (if we allow Him) to bring healing and forgiveness to us and through us to the entire body of Christ.
• You can see here how important this Rite of Forgiveness is for you. But remember too, it is equally important for your brothers and sisters in Christ. Please do not deny them this because you chose not to be there.
• Now for the very practical things:
• Allow the priests and deacons to go first.
• Yes it can be physically strenuous. I recommend that you stretch out your legs prior to vespers if you are not accustomed to making prostrations. You do not need to make a full prostration before every single person. Do as much as you can. Yes, it is OK to push yourself a bit. Some simply can’t do this and that is alright. Bow before everyone even if you can’t prostrate fully.
• First stand before the person. Make the sign of the cross. Then either bow, swooping your right hand to the ground or prostrate before them. They are after all, made in the image and likeness of God and it is before this living icon that we ask forgiveness.
• There are some variations. Some will take turns bowing - one and then the other. Others will bow together at the same time and then forgiveness exchanged. One thing that tends to happen is that both people run “Forgive me” and “I forgive” together into a single “forgive-me-I-forgive” phrase and say it to each other simultaneously. May I suggest you linger just a moment and speak them one at a time as a true dialog? It just makes more sense don’t you think?
• The embrace. Very commonly additional words of love and encouragement are spoken during the embrace. It can become very emotional at this point and that is perfectly alright. Remember that we Orthodox are a demonstrative lot. And no, you do not need to come up with something extra to say for everyone.
• Please don’t take off immediately after the last person has gone past you. Your legs will probably welcome a few moments of sitting before you navigate your way out of church. Linger, but linger quietly. A very powerful thing has occurred and it deserves our reverence and time to sink in. Plus, there are probably brothers and sisters in Christ who are still offering each other forgiveness.  Remember that Great Lent has begun and stillness is most appropriate

So my dear friend, I see that not only are you not so reluctant anymore but you have finished you cup of tea. Let me pour you a fresh cup and we can talk some more. The Lenten journey lies ahead of us and we will travel that road together. I am glad for your company.

With enveloping hugs;
Baba